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Hey God (2006)


Hey God,

As I stand here, looking out into the world you have created, - first - I want to thank you for letting me be a part of your celebration. It brings so much joy to my heart and it gives so much happiness to Your children.


When the children run to me and hug me ever so tightly, with real genuine hugs, almost knocking me over, and I can look into their eyes, and see the twinkle that all children have at this time of year. It is so exciting for me. It fills my heart with such gratitude, with so much happiness, and I can only thank you for letting me be who I am. Thank you for blessing me in so many ways because of this. When a child sits in my lap and eyes shining so brightly, filled with excitement and tells me all the things they want to see under their Christmas tree on that wonderful morning. While some children have lists that go on and on, others have just small items or very few items they want. This fills my heart with happiness and smiles that will last a lifetime for me. The presents they bring me, knowing they want to share in the moment of giving, are treasures to stay with me always. The young and the young in heart, just making a simple wish for true happiness if only for a moment; I know my happiness comes from all this, from the smallest of child to the oldest of the "Child in us all".


I feel I do what I am suppose to, but there are times I wonder – Am I really making a difference? The gift I receive from a special family, - they tell me I have to “Pay it forward” I have to give it away. My thoughts as to where would this tiny little teddy bear would go – I have gifts and smiles for all the children I planned to see tonight. How can I pick one extra special child to give this gift – all the children are so special to me. The bear sits beside as I continue through the night. A young man, in a hurry, surprised to see me, yet glad he did – says he has a little one at home – a little tiny baby . So I reached for this little special teddy bear and hand it to him. I tell him to take it home to her, and have a Merry Little Christmas. With a heartfelt look, he tells me his story. You see, things have been kind of tight, and knowing she was really too little to understand what Christmas was all about, he just didn’t get her anything. She was so little, she wouldn’t even know it. But as the night grew darker, he felt he needed to “Give his little one a special gift” from daddy to her. At this little age, she just loved little stuffed animals, to grab hold of and chew on”. He rushed into this materialistic world only to find the local store was closed. He left, thanking me, - from his heart, and from the look in his eyes, he even thanked me more. So, YES, I made a difference once more. I would have had something to give anyway, but since someone thought of “Giving back to Santa” –I think this little gift meant a whole lot more – to him and to me.


But when a child comes to me and ask me for “some tiny miracle”, sometimes I just can’t hold back the tears. To know that You have such a great power, to know that I am but just a man, these things pull at my heart strings and just slowly break my heart into tiny pieces and it cuts deeply and it hurts .


It is so hard for me to hide my weakness, and smile and tell the child “I will pray with them”, “I will pray for them”, when all I want to do is hug them a little tighter and tell them it will be OK. I know I can’t make it right; I can only have faith in You. I can only make it right by saying my prayers to You and asking You for such a "small miracle".


How can I smile, when the child sits in my lap and asks for an extra miracle out of my bag, to help his mother get better from a cancer that is going to let her die? When the little girl sits in my lap and all she wants to do is see her daddy back from the war, with mommy just wanting a picture to send to daddy, to make his holiday feel a little warmer. When the small little boy comes to me and ask only for a piece of candy, because he doesn’t want anything else, but it would be nice if I could make his seizures stop, he is tired of having them and he doesn’t want to have any more. What about the little girl who wants nothing more but to have her new puppy healthy, because her puppy can’t breathe right because the puppy has asthma.


How can I enter into homes with almost nothing, not knowing any of these families’ hardships, and bring joy to them on this day? I know I can enter with gifts, food, wishes and prayers of better things to come, but how can I guarantee them it will all be better. I understand that some times are low, but there are always brighter days ahead of them, how can I look into their eyes, and tell them I understand. I know when I leave, I have been blessed yet again, to know I took part in this celebration with them for only a moment, but I know a smile was given to them, if not for only a small fraction of the day, but a smile was given to me for a lifetime. How can I tell them they are truly blessed as well.


How can I smile and tell these wonderful innocent eyes, that I will do what I can and for them to have a good Christmas morning? How can I tell the little girl, that yes I am real, but she should never stop believing in the true meaning of Christmas, and as long as she believes in the Christmas magic, that Christmas will always be something in her heart? To know that next year, I may not exist with her anymore and will only be a childhood memory that she once had.

How can I look at any of Your children and give them the smile they desperately need at this time, when I can’t bring myself to smile through these hidden tears they have given me. Through the lump in my throat, I have to take a breath, and retrieve an almost fake smile, and tell them I will do what I can. And only through the faith I have in you, do I know all things are possible and even the smallest of miracle requests – you have heard and You will heal and provide what is best. I know you hear all small voices, and I leave these requests in your hands, because I know I can’t do anything but give you all my cares or worries, and only you can mend this hurting in my heart. Through You, all things are possible.


It makes me feel wonderful about everything I do, knowing that this might be the smile the child needed today…to know that the smile they smiled today, might be the only smile this child had all year. It gives them hope, and at the same time, it replenishes any hope I may have lost along my life’s toughest roads. Thank You for giving me guidance in Your Love, for giving me Strength through my weaknesses, and for always being a part of my Christmas Magic. It is because of you, I exist. And I Thank You, God, I truly thank you.


I am but a child myself,






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